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I am never driving from Alaska to the East Coast again.
Ever!
Not if you put a gun to my head and forced me!
Not that it was a bad trip, just long and tiresome. Here are a few of the salient thoughts I had along the way:
- Alaskan rest stops are terrible! They were either closed, vandalised beyond use or stuffed with trash.
- Canada is like a TARDIS, it has much more space on the inside than is apparent from the outside; honestly, there were days I thought I'd never get out.
- Driving down inclined gravel roads with ginormous frost heaves in them is NOT fun.
- Destruction Bay is accurately named.
- Whitehorse was pretty, but too much like Anchorage.
- AAA recommended hotels can be pretty skanky.
- The Super8 Motel in Hardin, Montana was the worst hotel I stayed in during the entire trip; partly because they were stuffed full of people halted by the flooded interstate, mostly because of hellacious children who spent most of the night running up and down the hallways.
- Driving through South Dakota, I felt like a character in a Steven King novel. Not only was the weather horrible, all chilly rain and gray skies, but the roads in that state are littered with the corpses of roadkill. I'm talking full grown deer here people. Dead bodies, everywhere. Which is why, from this point on, I shall refer to South Dakota as the Land of the Dead.
- Contrary to popular claims, I did not see a lot of living wildlife on this trip; I saw three moose in Alaska, a few bears in Canada, flocks of suicidal birds, a couple of elk and one or two bison.
- The further south you get, the nicer the roadside rest stops become.
- The further south you get, the more incestuous the graffiti in rest stop restrooms becomes.
- There were cicadas in Tennesee so big that when I drove through Nashville, it looked like someone had been lobbing eggsalad at my car windshield.
- The Great Smoky Mountains are not REAL mountains; they are just very tall hills with a Napoleon complex.
- I'd forgotten how much a sunburn stings, but now remember because my left arm is bright red from hanging out the car window for the last 300 miles.
- My car did a wonderful job and made the trip without a single hiccup. :)
- You know you've been alone in the car too long when you start chatting with the skull-head air freshener hanging from your rear view mirror.
- Coming home is actually pretty nice.
And now, here I am in South Carolina. Living with my mom.
Oh God.
I have become a cliche!
More later. - MEL

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