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Tonight is Beltane. I was going to do something more formal for the evening this year, but I just couldn't seem to pull anything together. So, I'm lying here in bed, burning some incense, letting a candle flicker on my bedside table and listening to Pagan music while I snack on Cheetos Puffs. This is not the celebration I envisioned, but it is what it is.

If I'm being totally honest, this whole month has been a bit of a disappointment to me. I'm still struggling to get back on track with my diet, I just feel this general sense of dissatisfaction with my life and I don't want to be around anyone. I just want to be alone.

Tomorrow we're having this big event at the Store and I'm dreading it. I don't want to be around a bunch of people all damn day with rock music blasting from the back room and screaming children underfoot. I'm worried that Something Bad will happen, but I don't know what.

I just want this whole month to be over already.

This isn't the entry I was anticipating writing tonight, but, like I said, it is what it is. Maybe it will rekindle the fire in my soul tomorrow. Or maybe I should just think about starting a new fire.

We'll have to see.

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